The Trouble With Watches
by padfoot76
Summary: James enjoys apples and Lily. But he can't seem to arrive to patrolling at a time when Lily is also there. This makes Lily frustrated. Rated for language, although fairly mild, except for one real curse. Written for Round 3 of QLFC.


**A/N: Hi! This is for the Wimbourne Wasps, Beater 2. My prompts were (word) accept and (setting) St Mungos. I apologize for any OOCness in advance, this is supposed to be a little funny at least – maybe evoke a smile…a bit of wishful thinking here. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**

James was eating an apple. He really liked apples. He loved the juicy feeling it had when he bit into it. The juice would splash inside his mouth – the sugar of the juice almost felt like it was dancing on his tongue. He really loved his apple. But then, he reached the core of the apple, and the juice of the apple was no more.

"Oh, knickers," James muttered under his breath, and he threw the apple out. At least, he hoped it landed in some garbage cans. He had just thrown the apple over his shoulder and hoped for the best.

James glanced at the watch that Professor McGonagall had donned him. She had hoped that it would make James more responsible with his new Head duties. James thought that McGonagall got him it because he was special. This made him want to use the watch more.

Little did he know that McGonagall had given a watch to every Head Boy and Girl for the past thirty years.

James arrived outside the Gryffindor Common Room and found the hall empty. James mentally gasped. _Lily wasn't here yet_? But she always claimed to arrive five minutes before the starting time, and James was here a whole _minute_ early.

Since he was all alone though, James found himself _very_ bored. His brain was starting to sound like a broken record, repeating "NEED ENTERTAINMENT" multiple times over. Luckily, he had come up with a whole routine to pass the time while waiting for his feisty girlfriend.

He tapped his foot, snapped his fingers, tapped his foot, counted to ten whilst looking at the ceiling, tapped his foot, patted his chest, tapped his foot, and ran his hand through his hair. He repeated this six times.

Lily had still not arrived, and James had been waiting for a whole _minute_. It was 7:30, and there was no Lily Evans.

James decided that maybe Lily was not going to show up. And he knew very well what this meant: he did not have to patrol because no one would ever know! It was one of the most exciting moments in James' Seventh Year career.

Only behind Lily saying 'yes', McGonagall wearing a lingerie, Snape in a bikini, a love potion between Flitwick in a speedo and Sprout in a thong and... So maybe it was not one of the most exciting moments in James' Seventh Year career. Though that didn't mean he couldn't make the most exciting moment of is til date, he was sure his friends would be only to happy to help set up a prank, without Lily's knowledge of course.

"Groaning goblins!" he exclaimed to the Fat Lady, who promptly opened up, looking rather relieved that James was no longer pressing his butt against her picture.

As soon as James disappeared into the portrait hole, Lily conveniently showed up in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.

She wiped her brow and looked at her watch. "Good," she said. "Five minutes early."

She was rather proud of her ability to always arrive on time. The only negative aspect of arriving this early was the fact that she had to wait for James, who always found a way to be late.

She turned to the Fat Lady in order to have a conversation so that she could pass the time.

The Fat Lady panicked.

"I – I have a date," the Fat Lady said quickly.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "With who?"

"The Fat Man!" the Fat Lady exclaimed, disappearing from the portrait.

Lily was skeptical. She was almost positive that there was no such portrait called "The Fat Man". Regardless of whether the Fat Man existed or not, however, Lily was still left alone with nothing to do while she waited for James. But it was okay, since she found a way to pass the time.

She tapped her foot, snapped her fingers, tapped her foot, counted to ten whilst looking at the ceiling, tapped her foot, patted her leg, tapped her foot, and thought about James' lips being connected to his arse so she could get a two in one combo. She repeated this 87 times.

James was still not there. It was now 8:02 P.M. It seemed as if James was never going to show up. So Lily realized that she was going to have to complete the rounds on her own.

It wouldn't be too bad.

.oOo.

It was bad. In fact, it was worse than bad; it was _terrible_.

Lily had walked around, patrolling the corridors. It was quiet enough. In fact, it was so quiet that no one who was hiding was able to hide for long. Lily could hear the sound of sloppy snogging from at least a mile away. Lily felt accomplished when she found her first couple.

She had opened the door. "Break it up, the both of you. No kissing in little broom closets. You could get hurt."

The couple was quite embarrassed and went back to their Common Room.

Lily used to love catching couples in the act. They were the easiest to get to behave, and there was a great abundance of them too, so she would feel like she completed her quota.

Tonight changed that. After catching 153 couples in the act, Lily was exhausted.

"How many of you are there?" she had snapped at the one hundred and fifty-third couple.

"Just the two," the boy had said, blushing, completely unaware of why the Head Girl had asked him such a question in the first place. "We'll be heading back." He grabbed his girlfriend and they ran off, back to their common room.

As if the many couples was not enough for Lily to endure, she then had to deal with Slytherins who seemed to think that it was funny that a red-headed Mudblood was patrolling the corridors, disillusioning themselves and whispering, "Look, it's a red-headed Mudblood patrolling the corridors," in as creepy a voice they could muster. This was then followed by snickering.

Lily had gotten so fed up with the Slytherins that she gave up with the patrolling and went back to the Common Room.

And that concluded Lily's terrible patrolling experience. It also begun the new situation she had walked herself into.

See, after walking into the common room, she received a shock that she was not…ecstatic about seeing. In fact, it was more a sight that made her mad. Very, very mad.

James Potter was inside the room, sitting on the floor with his friends.

"James!" she exclaimed in shock.

James turned around and opened his arms.

"Lily! Where were you? I was starting to get worried."

Lily widened her eyes and stared at James with disbelief.

"Are you kidding me? Pranking? Really? This is why you shirked off your duties?"

James put his hands on his hips. "I actually did wait for you in front of the portrait. Not my fault you were late."

Lily looked murderous. "Why can't you just accept the fact that it is your fault?"

"But I waited for you! And I was early and everything!" James exclaimed, and then paused, furrowing his eyebrows and staring at the rest of the Marauders.

Lily, too, paused her glare at James.

"Er…what are you guys doing?"

The three Marauders were attempting to inconspicuously escape the scene by slowly shifting towards the stairs, holding the pranking notes in front of their faces. The Marauders did not reply to the question; they merely focused on shifting.

Realizing that they weren't going to get a good answer, Lily went back to glaring at James, and James went back to looking confused.

"Okay, Lily, I was definitely there at 7:29, and I waited a whole _minute_ ," James said. "Like, I did my waiting dance and everything."

" _One minute_!" Lily shrieked. "I waited thirty-seven minutes for you to get your lazy arse to the spot. You didn't!"

"You couldn't expect me to wait thirty-seven minutes for you with no entertainment!"

Lily started running the argument back through her head. "Wait, you arrived at 7:29? But that's impossible. I was there five minutes early!"

"Ha!" James said, looking triumphant. "I see your trick! You always get there whenever you want and just use that excuse to make me feel guilty!"

"Huh?" Now Lily looked confused. "Your watch is wrong! I was _definitely_ five minutes early!"

"And I was there a minute early!"

"So you're calling me a liar," Lily said, wrinkling her nose.

"Wha – no! I'm just saying you're making a mistake!"

Lily tried to be calm and collected.

"SHOW ME THE TIME!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

James was thankful that he had put up a silencing charm on the room when he and his friends were prank-planning. He held out his watch.

"11:34?" Lily asked in disbelief. James shrugged. Lily looked at her own watch. "11:29."

"Your watch is five minutes behind, Lily?" James asked. "And you were getting mad at me?"

"Your watch is wrong!"

"What's the official time so we can compare it?" James mentally pat himself on the back for his collectedness.

"Stop patting yourself," Lily said. James instantly stopped patting himself. "And the official time is definitely 11:29."

"Huh…so _that's_ why I always seem to leave all by myself…and the crowd only comes five minutes later."

Lily's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

"Nah," James said. "I was just trying to aggravate you."

"James, don't. It's late. I'm frustrated. Do you know how awful the patrolling was today?"

"Not very awful?" James asked.

"IT WAS TERRIBLE!"

James chuckled at Lily's sudden outburst. Not the best move.

"JAMES POTTER!"

"What? It's funny that you feel like you need me when patrolling."

"I don't need you!" Lily screamed.

"Oh, come on, love," James said, coming in closer to Lily with his lips puckered.

Lily pushed him away. "Are you serious right now? Because, James, I swear, I will hex you. Don't push me."

"Lily, you're so hot when you're angry, though…" James moaned.

Lily shot out a red spell.

"Oh, _shit_ ," James cursed as he put up a _Protego_ charm. "Really? _Tarantallegra_!"

The two fired curses at each other in every direction possible.

At that exact moment, a young First Year came in. He was exhausted.

"I'm walking through!" he announced, walking straight through the fight without waiting for acknowledgement.

He was hit by five different curses. His legs awkwardly kicked out as if he was dancing, his hair went blue, and then he fell to the ground unconscious.

James and Lily froze.

"Oh, knickers," James muttered.

.oOo.

The two sat in St. Mungos by the little First Year's bed. Madam Pomfrey had decided that it was for the best that the student went to St. Mungos, mainly because she had no idea how to treat the boy.

"There," the nurse said, rubbing her hand fondly over the boy's hair. "He'll be fine now."

The nurse walked off. Lily and James looked at the First Year with equally guilty looks on their faces.

"This is all your fault," Lily muttered.

"It's both our faults," James admitted. "Not just mine. You too."

"All right."

The two of them sat silent for a couple seconds, the nameless First Year's breathing serving as the romantic music.

"Okay, James, I want you to meet me, from now on, at 7:35pm," Lily said. "In front of the Fat Lady."

It was the perfect plan, according to Lily, since James would definitely follow his watch and arrive on time.

James nodded.

"Great."

The plan Lily and James had was foolproof. Which is exactly why James arrived thirty-two minutes late to patrolling the next week.

 **Word Count: 1998**

 **A/N: I hope you liked the story! I actually really like this one. I do enjoy humor :)**


End file.
